Don’t Touch Me When I’m Sleeping
The day after I met the fiancee, I went home and told my family I had met the man I was going to marry, he just had two almost fatal flaws. I did not let on to the fiancée that I thought this, he would have run for the hills immediately. Do not take this admission that I was in a hurry to get married. I wasn’t. I just somehow knew he was the one. Back to the flaws: 1) he had a live in girlfriend. 2) he had the same name as my ex-boyfriend – the long term, co-habited, took years to get over ex-boyfriend. Now it would be one thing if their name is Jason or Michael or Bob or even Fred. I cannot tell you their name because I promised the fiancée that I wouldn’t revel his identity to the two or three people who read my blog and already know who we are. Just know that it isn’t a particularly common first name. After meeting, the fiancée and I started emailing occasionally until he had eliminated his first flaw from his life. During this time, if I tried to talk to people about him they automatically assumed I was talking about my ex and it could get really confusing.
My roommate at that time and I would cuddle up on the couch with some decadent dessert, most often HoHos and Doritos, and watch Grey’s Anatomy every single Sunday. If the network dared show a repeat I would have to call my best friend in San Francisco so we could both vent about their audacity to not bring us a new show. The disappointment would mean we would have to run out and get beef jerky sticks to go along with the HoHos to stave off the empty feeling it would leave us with. I digress.
Anyway, I found out the fiancée’s middle name was George and my roommate nicknamed him O’Malley from the character George O’Malley on Grey’s Anatomy. From now on, I will refer to him as O’Malley on my blog. When the actor who plays O’Malley, I have no idea his name or nor do I care enough to look it up, came out of the closet, my O’Malley and I had the following conversation:
O’M: So, SB I read online that my namesake came out of the closet.
SB: Yep. I already knew that...
O’M: Does that make you worried about us getting married?
SB: Nope. I’m only marrying you for your money anyway. Doesn’t make a difference to me.
O’M: Shut up, SB.
SB: Make me…
This childish banter leads me to our first meeting with our engagement counselor (try getting married by a Catholic priest, oh yes, the requirements never stop). She told us that our biggest relationship problem hinged on using sarcasm as a weapon. Right. Big news flash there. Though I did enjoy some of her insights and found her engaging and clever, we are both perfectly aware of our behavior. In an argument, O’M will say something condescendingly to which I reply in a condescending tone that if he wants to repeat whatever he said in a non-condescending tone I will listen. To which he will condescendingly reply that he would repeat it if I ask him to in a non-condescending tone. I know, those sentences are a little hard to follow but if you reread them a couple of times it all might make sense. Obviously I could try to rewrite them. But no, I’m not going to.
Despite the sarcasm, I am a firm believer that our relationship will last. Mainly because we both have a don’t touch me when I’m sleeping rule. All you cuddlers and heavy sleepers out that are thinking, "WHAT?". But for us light sleepers, this is a non-negotiable item. He is the first and only man I have ever met that didn’t want to cuddle while sleeping. Who lets me get night after night of beautiful, uninterrupted sleep. To make sure we don’t have any trouble abiding this rule he upgraded from a queen to a California king bed and also purchased a luxurious mattress. I would still prefer to have the whole bed to myself, but with the Cal. King, I willing to compromise and he is allowed to use a quarter of the bed. Since that amounts to about the size of a twin mattress I feel I’m being more than fair.
P.S. I cannot find my glasses anywhere for the last week and the headaches are starting to get obnoxious, if anyone has seen them, please, please return them to me.
P.P.S. We went cake tasting this weekend and they were so darn delicious we are going to have 7 different cakes. We just couldn’t narrow down the flavors more than that.
The day after I met the fiancee, I went home and told my family I had met the man I was going to marry, he just had two almost fatal flaws. I did not let on to the fiancée that I thought this, he would have run for the hills immediately. Do not take this admission that I was in a hurry to get married. I wasn’t. I just somehow knew he was the one. Back to the flaws: 1) he had a live in girlfriend. 2) he had the same name as my ex-boyfriend – the long term, co-habited, took years to get over ex-boyfriend. Now it would be one thing if their name is Jason or Michael or Bob or even Fred. I cannot tell you their name because I promised the fiancée that I wouldn’t revel his identity to the two or three people who read my blog and already know who we are. Just know that it isn’t a particularly common first name. After meeting, the fiancée and I started emailing occasionally until he had eliminated his first flaw from his life. During this time, if I tried to talk to people about him they automatically assumed I was talking about my ex and it could get really confusing.
My roommate at that time and I would cuddle up on the couch with some decadent dessert, most often HoHos and Doritos, and watch Grey’s Anatomy every single Sunday. If the network dared show a repeat I would have to call my best friend in San Francisco so we could both vent about their audacity to not bring us a new show. The disappointment would mean we would have to run out and get beef jerky sticks to go along with the HoHos to stave off the empty feeling it would leave us with. I digress.
Anyway, I found out the fiancée’s middle name was George and my roommate nicknamed him O’Malley from the character George O’Malley on Grey’s Anatomy. From now on, I will refer to him as O’Malley on my blog. When the actor who plays O’Malley, I have no idea his name or nor do I care enough to look it up, came out of the closet, my O’Malley and I had the following conversation:
O’M: So, SB I read online that my namesake came out of the closet.
SB: Yep. I already knew that...
O’M: Does that make you worried about us getting married?
SB: Nope. I’m only marrying you for your money anyway. Doesn’t make a difference to me.
O’M: Shut up, SB.
SB: Make me…
This childish banter leads me to our first meeting with our engagement counselor (try getting married by a Catholic priest, oh yes, the requirements never stop). She told us that our biggest relationship problem hinged on using sarcasm as a weapon. Right. Big news flash there. Though I did enjoy some of her insights and found her engaging and clever, we are both perfectly aware of our behavior. In an argument, O’M will say something condescendingly to which I reply in a condescending tone that if he wants to repeat whatever he said in a non-condescending tone I will listen. To which he will condescendingly reply that he would repeat it if I ask him to in a non-condescending tone. I know, those sentences are a little hard to follow but if you reread them a couple of times it all might make sense. Obviously I could try to rewrite them. But no, I’m not going to.
Despite the sarcasm, I am a firm believer that our relationship will last. Mainly because we both have a don’t touch me when I’m sleeping rule. All you cuddlers and heavy sleepers out that are thinking, "WHAT?". But for us light sleepers, this is a non-negotiable item. He is the first and only man I have ever met that didn’t want to cuddle while sleeping. Who lets me get night after night of beautiful, uninterrupted sleep. To make sure we don’t have any trouble abiding this rule he upgraded from a queen to a California king bed and also purchased a luxurious mattress. I would still prefer to have the whole bed to myself, but with the Cal. King, I willing to compromise and he is allowed to use a quarter of the bed. Since that amounts to about the size of a twin mattress I feel I’m being more than fair.
P.S. I cannot find my glasses anywhere for the last week and the headaches are starting to get obnoxious, if anyone has seen them, please, please return them to me.
P.P.S. We went cake tasting this weekend and they were so darn delicious we are going to have 7 different cakes. We just couldn’t narrow down the flavors more than that.
posted by SweetB at 9:12 PM
1 Comments:
I think Bumpy hid your glasses somewhere.
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