Voicemail: 8:45am
“Hi, my name is George and I’m the mortgage broker on mumble, mumble file and I need an immediate call back because I need to get this and this and this from you right away. I want someone to call me back within the hour.”

My Thought process:
Well, you demanding prick since you left no phone number and didn’t bother to tell me what company you work for and I could not understand your pronunciation of the client’s name – how exactly am I supposed to call you back immediately?

Receptionist to Boss with me over hearing: 9:30am
“George is on the line about such and such file and he is in a rage because no one has called him back yet.”

Me:
“Oh let me have this call, the brilliant man didn’t leave his phone number.”
“Hello, this is SB.”

George
Angrily “I wanted to speak to Boss.”

Me:
“Are you calling because you left a message earlier and didn’t get a call back? Because I did receive a voicemail from you and would have loved to have been able to immediately return your call but you didn’t leave your phone number or the company you worked for nor could I understand your clients name so I had no way of figuring out who to call back.”

George
Silence……”oh…I didn’t leave my number?”

Me:
“Nope”

Oh the glee of embarrassing self-important jerks…..

Having consumed one too many diet cokes at dinner, I proceeded to torment the boyfriend as he peacefully tried to read. Pinched him. Poked him. Pulled his leg hairs. I'm not touching you possibly escaped my lips a couple of times. Nothing ever provides more entertainment than annoying the ones you love. He finally looks over at me and gives the ultimatum: If I poke him one more time he will head butt me. I, of course, ignore his threat and gleefully poke him right in the cheek. He grabs me and sob, head butts me. A totally unforgivable act. Ignore the fact that it didn't hurt. My pride is totally wounded. I bring up the wounding of the innocent girlfriend multiple times in the next week. Each time he just grins and proclaims, "It was a LOVE headbutt."